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Writer's pictureAlexandria Coyne

Dear Basketball.....

Updated: Dec 7, 2020

Dear Basketball,


Wow. I can't believe I racked up the guts to finally start this one. These are words I've been thinking about expressing for a while, but I never really knew where to start. There is a whole life time of emotions, lessons, and memories that stir up as I think about the impact that a single sport had on my life. But, I can't help but think that there might be a little girl out there trying to decide if she wants to try out for a basketball team, or maybe a parent that is deciding what sport will best prepare their child for life. So, it's only right I let the world know how basketball shaped me into the woman I am today.


I'll start with a small disclosure. This will have extreme levels of vulnerability and personal experiences. If I'm going to tell THIS story, I have to tell it right. Please proceed with caution.


I'll start from the very beginning. Like, 15 years before I was even THOUGHT about being made, beginning. I have the best basketball story ever. My parents met on a basketball court. So yes--the original Love and Basketball scene actually took place in Pleasant Hills, PA between my mom and dad. I'm sure there are a ton of basketball love stories, but theirs is certainly my favorite! In fact, we visited the court they met at last time we visited Pittsburgh, PA. It was really cool.




So, basketball has always been in our family. My sister played, my brother played, I played, my parents played then coached....it surrounded us. And I wouldn't have had it any other way. My brother is a freak athlete--he was good at any sport he picked up. But he strayed closer to baseball. My sister--soccer was her preference. But me, I just couldn't shake my love for basketball.


If you count 1v1 games in the living room on the FisherPrice hoop, I've been playing ball since I could get dunked on by my older siblings (which was about age 1). But organized basketball, since i was 6 years old.


From age 6 until age 25, basketball has been my life. I shot before school, practiced after school, practiced more after practice, and played when I wasn't practicing. My mom and dad were my coaches growing up. Mostly mom. And ANYONE that saw my mom coach me would attest to this: mom wasn't one of those parents that favored their kids on the team. She was harder on me than on anyone in that gym. And I knew when I wasn't playing up to par. And everyone else in that gym knew it too. But again, I wouldn't have had it any other way.


It's hard to believe, when I actually punch the numbers that Basketball was only 19 years of my life. It's also hard to believe that I am talking about the game in past tense. It's hard to believe I'll never tie up my laces and compete for a championship again.


You see--basketball gave me a lot of things. It gave me emotion, heart, friendships, experiences, lessons, opportunity, education, work ethic....the list could go on forever. For that, I can never repay.


I thought my whole life that I'd be a college basketball coach. I thought I'd give back to the game just a PORTION of what the game gave me. Spoiler Alert: I'm not a college coach. I had the amazing opportunity to serve on a college staff for two years and am grateful for that time. But timing and life clashed all at once, and I got out of college coaching and into my career as a Financial Advisor. A decision I will never regret and one that I look back on today as one of the most pivotal moments of my whole life.


I see a lot of similarities between coaching and financial planning. Meet someone, recruit them (determine if they'd be a good fit for you and your team. See if their core values, personality, and work ethic are within the confines of who you want to work with. Explain to them why working with you will help them reach their goals, evaluate where they are today, analyze their strengths and weaknesses, discover where they want to go, determine their goals, create a plan to transform them from the person they are today and who they want to become, present the game plan, get the buy-in, execute accordingly. Make numerous in-game (lifetime) adjustments to the plan. Constantly analyzing what is working, what needs to be changed, anticipating game swings (market economies) and making proactive moves to put your client in the best position to succeed. Heck, it sounds like I'm coaching a basketball game!


For any of the athletes or coaches that transition out of the game that you love and have committed so much to, don't be surprised when it is not a smooth transition. It was a pretty dark transition for me, if I'm being honest. About 7 months after my transition, I quickly found out that there is an actual grieving process when you surrender an identity of yourself. Yes, you heard that right. I was actually grieving the loss of some of my own identity. It sounds crazy--but it made total sense when I heard it for myself. It also made me feel a heck of a lot better about my random emotional breakdowns. Its quite common for athletes, and If you find yourself struggling, like I did, reach out for help. #MentalHealthAwareness.


Of course, this blog post started as a thought in the shower. As I was reflecting on a tough day at work, I was thinking of what I call, "pivot strategies." Pivot strategies are simply when you analyze that something just isn't working. Factors either within or out of your control are causing you to have to pivot, to move, to change, to adapt, to adjust. In order to stay on the road to success, you might have to take a detour. So that's what I did. I might have picked the best time to get into the financial planning industry....9 days before COVID-19 struck our nation. A global shutdown, economic shutdown, stock market crash, unemployment skyrocketed, stimulus package released, small businesses getting crushed, social injustice exploded, sporting events were cancelled, Hurricane Sally devastated my city. Oh, and arguably the most controversial presidential election in the history of our nation. But hey, only true competitors want to beat the best to be the best, and this year is just a pre-season conditioning workout that is preparing me for a long season in this incredible career.


As I reflect on arguably the most overwhelming year we could ever have experience, I just cannot ignore the impact basketball has made on the person I am today. I wanted to show a tribute to a few things I owe to the game. So here it goes...


Dear Basketball,


Thank you for teaching me to be a team player. This is huge. Growing up on a team made me realize that the world does not revolve around me. And that there's always something bigger than you to work for. It has enabled me to be successful in group projects at school, on other sports teams, a team player in my relationship, a team player for my family, and a team player with my coworkers, a team player in my friendships, a team player in life. Basketball taught me how to make friends, manage relationships, put personal problems aside, and bring people together to work for a common goal.

Thank you for teaching me how to lose. Most people don't know this, but 3 of my 4 college seasons ended with an L in the championship game. I LOST three conference championships in my four seasons as a college athlete. Talk about devastation. If you know me, you know I hate to lose more than I like to win. So this was heartbreaking. What I learned though, is that you don't always win in life. Sometimes you lose. Sometimes the ball doesn't bounce your way. Sometimes your shots don't fall. Sometimes you miss the game-winning layup in a conference championship (yes, I did that). Sometimes when you stay up at night dreaming about climbing the ladder, the confetti falls for the other team the next day. Sometimes, you lose. And if you lose the right way, you grow from it. You reflect. You analyze. You adapt. You prepare for the next one. And you always go into the next game trying to get the win. But in sports and in life, there is always a winner and a loser. Some parents try to protect their kids from that lesson. But its inevitable. You are going to lose at some point. You are going to fail, you're going to get passed up on a job interview, on a promotion, on a relationship, on a friendship. You're going to hit hardship. And when you do, if you've never lost before, you will think that's the end of the road. But losing builds character. When things don't go your way, that's usually when you find out what you're really made of.


Thank you for teaching me how to win. Okay, okay. My college career wasn't all bad. Along with three championship losses, in my four years, my teams were also able to accomplish: a conference championship, a regional championship, an Elite 8 run in the WNIT, an Elite 8 run in the NCAA DII National Championship, the best two-season record in Southern Miss history and the winningest season in West Florida program history. I ended my four year collegiate career 97-35. Which makes me incredibly mad because this is the first time I ever calculated my four year record and am furious I was only 3 games short of 100 wins. But, anyways. I also learned that winning is fun. It doesn't happen overnight. In fact, winning is the result of months and months of developments, practice, intention, and preparation at the right moment and with great execution.


Thank you for teaching me how to communicate. When things are good, when they're bad, when they're going well, when they're falling apart, when you know what to do, when you don't know what to do, when you're unsure, when you're sure, asking to understand better, teaching to help someone else understand, holding a teammate accountable, praising a teammate for a good play, encouraging a teammate who's having a tough practice, nipping the excuses in the butt, pulling someone out of a bad head space, pulling yourself out of a bad head space, being clear, concise, efficient, letting others know what you are doing, pushing teammates through their own personal battles, talking a teammate down, talking a teammate up, challenging someone, stepping up to a challenge. Communicating to a teammate, communicating to a coach, communicating to yourself. Communication is one of the most important skills you can learn. One thing everyone always asks me is "Why are you always asking questions. You are not afraid to ask questions, are you?" I've always been a communicator. I'll always be a communicator. I attest that to my thousands of hours on the court.

Thank you for teaching me how to be coachable. Speaking of communication, talking is the lesser part of communication. The real question is, can you listen? Man. Oh Man. Coaches. I have had a lot of coaches in my career. To all of them, I owe everything. They were hard on me. They challenged me. They held me accountable. They taught me that there are consequences to my actions. They made me do sprints, push ups, stairs, wall sits, suicides, sweet 16s, burpees, I've been kicked out of practice, screamed at, yelled at, benched. You name it, I've gotten it. But I always believed that if you were being coached, that was a good sign. It's when you're being ignored when you need to start worrying. I heard this one quote recently that changed the game for me. "There is a difference between teachable and coachable." Almost everyone is teachable. In order to be teachable, you just have to be willing to listen to what someone has to say. To be coachable, is when what you hear creates action. To ask for feedback, to receive criticism, to pursue personal feedback and to allow it to change you and grow you. I think sometimes we trick ourselves into thinking were coachable because we've received feedback. Everyone can receive feedback. Few can take that feedback and let it change them. Be coachable, not teachable.

Thank you for teaching me diversity. I realized early on that our family wasn't as blessed as others. I also realized that other families weren't as blessed as mine. Even from a young age, I was always surrounded by people of different economic class, race, ethnicity, religion, family dynamic, etc. I learned early on that some kids only have one parent, some have two sets of parents, some have parents of the same gender, and some have no parents at all. Some kids came from wealth, some came from nothing, some were living paycheck to paycheck. Some of my teammates had strong support systems, some had no support systems. Some were victims of abuse, living in a houses of addiction, some had everything, some had nothing. For some kids, even the worst day on the basketball court was the best part of their day. For other kids, the best day on the court was the worst part of their day. It taught me to listen to people's story. To ask about their purpose, their passion, their WHY. It taught me that not everyone is like me. Some had more at stake than I did, some had the world in the palm of their hands. Some cherished the game, some just played to play. It made me realize that being different was okay. Most importantly, I learned not to judge a person, a family, or a situation. I seek to understand before I make an assumption. I look to give back to those who are not as blessed as I was and seek to always build a better life for my future children than I had for myself. I realized my life was really hard. But there was always going to be people that have it better than you and have it worse than you. Lastly, comparison can either be the thief of joy or the source of joy. Be careful about who you are comparing yourself to. Because someone out there would beg to be in your shoes right now.

Thank you for teaching me about obstacles. The road to success is often filled with major bumps in the road. That not everything goes as planned. You land on a foot and pop your ankle. Get elbowed in the face and break a nose. A cheap foul on a fast break leaves you with a spinal injury. When obstacles hit you, they hit you hard. And it usually hurts. But, how you handle diversity is so important. You taught me that mental reps when you're sidelined is as important as physical ones. You taught me to appreciate the few days when aches and pains don't leave you in tears at night. You taught me that there are some things that are simply out of our control. What we can control is how we carry ourselves during adversity. There is something special about someone who can still shine light when things aren't going their way. Remember, there's something bigger out there that we're working toward. It isn't all about you.


Thank you for teaching me to be a bench player. There are only 40 minutes in a basketball game. And only 5 players on the court at the same time. Which means 200 minutes has to be divided up between 10-13 players. News Flash: not everyone is going to play significant minutes. There were times where I played significant minutes, there were times where I needed to be a role player. Basketball taught me to be the best at whatever role I was given. Plain and simple. If i was on the court, I was going to be the best point guard out there. If I was on the bench, I was going to be my team's biggest supporter. If I was taking stats, I'd make sure I didn't miss a single possession. If I was on water bottle duty, I'd make sure every person on my team had a full water bottle. The spotlight isn't always going to be on you. You're going to have to wear a lot of different hats in this lifetime. Be great at whatever hat is on your head. I received great advice on my first Division I Assistant Coach interview for a University in New York. The head coach told me "Al, be the CEO of your responsibilities." No matter how big or small the responsibility, be the CEO. Own it, take pride in it, be great at every thing that you do and everything else will fall into place. Sometimes, I had to be a bench player in college. But I'll be darned if I wasn't the biggest fan in that gym.

Thank you for teaching me about sacrifice. I remember distinctly in high school. 2012. It was my junior year. Prime recruiting year. I had uprooted my life in Pittsburgh and moved down to South Florida to finish out high school. The job transitions for my parents didn't really go as planned. Let's just say--I thought I knew struggle. But you don't know struggle until you really learn what struggle is. When you're not really sure where the mortgage payment is going to come from. You don't really know struggle until you're trying to figure out how to keep the lights on. You don't really know struggle until a $45 cross country jersey feels like it has the financial impact of buying a new car. We almost lost everything that year. Everything. My grandfather also passed away that year. I don't remember much of that time, I just remember that when my dad received a small check in the mail, a check that needed to go to bills and needed to go to other things that we had fallen behind on, all of a sudden, the deposit on my final AAU season was turned in. One final AAU season was made possible. I know this is Dear Basketball.....but my parents and my family taught me what it is to sacrifice. They sacrificed virtually everything to allow me to play one final season of basketball. Because of that sacrifice, I had offers to play at over 30 different Universities anywhere in this country. They gave me that opportunity. Basketball gave me that opportunity.

Thank you for teaching me to value education. Basketball and school always coincided with one another. Since I was a kid, mom and dad made me finish homework before I could go to practice and games. Throughout college, you always have to maintain a certain GPA to stay eligible. Basketball is a privilege. Playing sports is a privilege. Getting a scholarship is a privilege. What I mean is--this world owes you nothing. You're not entitled to anything. To go to college is a privilege not an expectation. Basketball earned me two college degrees and not a single cent to pay in student loan debt. It taught me that if I wanted to succeed on the court, I had to succeed in the classroom. If I wanted to succeed in the classroom, I had to succeed on the court. They were never separate for me. I always took my schooling as serious as I took basketball. I've taken that love for learning into my profession. Constantly seeking education, learning, and intentional study time. That was embedded in me through the game, a desire to learn is something I am forever grateful for because someone who is a constant learner is someone who is never complacent.

Thank you for teaching me to give back. All of those community service projects, all of those fundraising projects, all of those people you come by that have it a little worse off than you do. Basketball embedded in me a heart to serve others. A heart to give back. A heart to see an opportunity to help and to go meet that opportunity. Basketball taught me that you don't need money to help someone. You just need time. You just need to be present. Basketball gave me a philanthropic heart. To celebrate Kay Yow and Jimmy V every year. It taught me that generous givers gave to Universities before me and allowed me to come out of school debt free. That families are affected everywhere from cancer. That there are villages in the Dominican Republic that don't even have running water. Basketball rooted a deep love for philanthropy. To help people. To seek out ways to make an impact in this world, big or small. To be a world changer. And inspire others to be world changers, too.

Thank you for teaching me respect. You're not going to agree with everyone. Some people do things wildly different than you do. Some people do things better, some worse. . But that doesn't leave any justification for disrespect. It taught me how to handle people. People I liked, people I didn't. People I respected, people I didn't. I learned that just because you disagree with someone, doesn't mean you have to hate them. I learned to have real conversations. I learned to be open to other ways of doing things. I learned to agree to disagree with people. I learned to respect people, although they may have different beliefs than I did. I learned to respect authority, whether I believed that they were using their authority for good or not. I learned to respect myself. To respect the game. To respect the referees. To respect my opponent. To respect my players. To respect my boss. To respect my coworkers.


Thank you for teaching me commitment. I see this in everything that I do. We live in a "replace it" world. In a disposable world. When things break, we buy a new one. We don't fix it. When things get hard, we switch jobs, switch schools, switch friends. When we don't get playing time, we quit and play a different sport instead of out-working the person ahead of us. When things get tough, we just quit. We get out of that class, we get a new group of friends, we get a new job, we get a new girlfriend/boyfriend. New, new, new. What happened to sticking to something? What happened to get knocked down 7x, stand up 8? You taught me that the only way to get yourself out of a shooting rut was to shoot yourself out. The only way to get playing time was to be the best at your position. The only way to be in shape was to run when no one else was running. To be strong was to lift when no one else was lifting. You taught me that games were won in the fourth quarter. It wasn't starting power. It's all about staying power. Just by staying committed to something, you'll be ahead of 80% of everyone else.



Thank you for teaching me discipline. Thank you for teaching me that showing up 5 minutes late was unacceptable. Cutting a sprint short was unacceptable. Cheating reps in the weight room was unacceptable. Speaking with disrespect was unacceptable. Taking a play off was unacceptable. Not reading a scouting report was unacceptable. Being unprepared was unacceptable. Choosing to come in early instead of meeting friends for breakfast to get up shots was what separated good from great. Staying after practice to get on the shooting machine to shoot out of a slump. Choosing your studies over going out. Choosing to put good nutrients in your body rather than malnourishing yourself. Choosing to wake up early and get extra conditioning in when no one else was. We have a choice in everything that we do. As Urban Meyer says in his book Above the Line ... every single decision that we make either takes us closer or further from our goals. There is no such thing as a stagnant decision. We are either growing or we are dying. Basketball taught me to choose the good. To sacrifice the now for the later. To be disciplined. Another skill I'm forever indebted to basketball for.

Thank you for teaching me to prove people wrong. That when you go to pursue your goals, every person is going to give you a reason not to go for it. "You're too small. You're white. You're too short. You can't shoot. You can't make layups. You have no mid-range game. You'll never go Division I. You're too slow. You were a transfer. You have no left." Keep. It. Coming. I like when people tell me I can't do something. Yes. I was small. I was short. I was white. I couldn't shoot threes. I couldn't make layups. I couldn't make free throws. I had no left. I had no right. I couldn't pass. All of those things were true at some point in my basketball career. You're either going to let people tell you who you can and can't be. Or you and God determine who you're going to be. You can either let people define you or motivate you. Totally up to you!


Thank you for teaching me to be strong. Physically strong, mentally strong, emotionally strong. What is it with people not thinking women should be strong? Earth to the world. This is 2020. I'm surprised that a woman hasn't ran this country yet! Women, ladies, girls--you go be you. People are going to have EVERYTHING to say about it. But guess what? Want to be a CEO? Do it. Want to be the President? Do it. Want to be a Basketball Player? Do it. Want to be a boss? Do it. Manager? Do it. Professional Athlete? Do it. Want to be a body builder? Do it. Astronaut? Do it. We still have a ways to go....but we have come a long ways!!! Women are strong, they're powerful, they're beautiful, they're successful, they're fast, they're athletic, they're smart, they're empathetic, I mean, come one, we make babies!!! We are incredible. Do not let a single soul let your fire dim. You go be who you believe you can be. And take every piece of criticism with you. Cry when you're sad. Step up when an opportunity arises. Speak when you're confident. Apply for that job. Go be a world changer. If anyone has a problem with that, come find me. I will forever speak greatness into women. And for the men reading this--you guys are awesome too, but girls are way too underestimated. Ok rant over.

Lastly, thank you for teaching me to enjoy the ride. There are ups and downs. Wins and losses. Excitements and disappointments. There are people who you never thought would betray you, that do. There are people who you never thought would take a chance on you, that do. There are good days and bad. Good weeks and bad. Good seasons and bad. Good years and bad. There are strong moments and weak ones. Tears shed and tears wiped. There are complete levels of exhaustion and endless energy. Short term friendships and lifetime friendships. There are promotions a demotions. There are people that need our help and sometimes we need the help. There are dark times and bright. There are sacrifices and rewards. There are consequences and fruition. My advice: figure out your why. Love what you do. This life is way too short to wake up everyday and hate the professional career you're in. To go home and hate your at-home life. Life is hard. Being successful is hard. Being a failure is hard. Accumulating wealth is hard. Being poor is hard. Being happy is hard. Being depressed is hard. Being healthy is hard. Being unhealthy is hard. Being in shape is hard. Being out of shape is hard. Having great friendships is hard. Having poor friendships is hard. Having great family relationships is hard. Having poor family relationships is hard. Chose your hard.

Lastly, before I close this one out. I also want to say this. I no longer play basketball. I struggled with my identity and believed I lost an identity when I disassociated myself with the game of basketball. What I learned is this. You truly never lose that Identity. Basketball will forever be my first love. It still, to this day, is what I resort to on bad days. It's what I find myself finding a ton of joy. Now, I have the amazing opportunity to give back to a local girls team I've had the opportunity to coach and many individuals on a one v one basis. Basketball will forever be a part of me. Quite honestly, it's the best part of me. I am exactly where I am today because of the game. For those that have kids that love it, I hope I've convinced you to let them feel every emotion and learn every lesson basketball has to teach (many more than what is in this little blog). I'm thankful for every win, loss, friendship, sweat, tear, teammate, championship won, lost, every experience, every lesson, every place I traveled and person I met. Yes, I'm even thankful for the thousands of sprints that I did over the years. You name it. I wouldn't have changed a single thing.

I'm officially 17 months out from competing and I look forward to seeing how the small seeds that basketball planted in my heart come to fruition in all aspects of my life. To my teammates through the years---thank you. To my coaches--thank you. To my supporters--thank you. And to my doubters--thank you. To my family----wow. thank you. And lastly, to the game, thank you.


What a journey it has been. What a journey it will continue to be.


~APC











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